5 Choices for a Happier New Year

#1 Stop scrolling.

Historically, holidays are hard for me, and over the past two weeks, I have spent a breathtaking amount of time on TikTok - have you seen Russell the dancing UPS guy? Never mind, no, I won’t link it. Stay here and focus.

I’m shocked by how itchy my behavior is when it comes to my phone lately. But I realized the other day - I’m picking up my phone because I’m used to picking it up, AND I’m sad, triggered, lonely, bored, and aggravated (take your pick). I’m grabbing my phone in the exact way an alcoholic grabs a drink. I’m medicating with it.

In case you need data on how bad scrolling is for your brain, your REM sleep, your mental health, and your relationships, here’s a link to 14 million articles.

I get it, I use social media for my business too, but in 2023 I’m changing my relationship with my phone because I feel so much better when I’m not under its spell.

It’s just a choice people, and don’t tell me it’s hard. Beating cancer is hard. Putting our phones down and going for a walk is not hard.

#2 Stop believing everything you think and feel.

I hear this from clients all the time. “I know XYZ is not true, but it feeeeeels true and it makes me so miserable.”

“Everybody hates me” and “I know not everybody hates me” cannot both be true, so which is it? Seriously. Choose. That’s a power you have.

I heard someone say once: “If I had a friend who lied to me as much as my thoughts and feelings do, I would not be friends with them.” Our minds and emotions are always trying to make sense of the world. Unfortunately, their conclusions are usually untrue, half-truths, or potentially but not yet true.

Learning this will set you free.

But some of you are devoted to touring the tiny dark corners of your mind and diligently recording what you find there, so you can analyze it and coddle it. You’re effectively building neural networks like highways in your brain, so thoughts that hurt you can move around quicker and more easily. That too is a choice.

Remember, what we aim at we hit. What we look for we find. So a good question might be: What’s the payoff I get for believing this? Sympathy? Attention? Avoidance of my real work? Blame? Do I want to be right? Or a victim?

In short, challenge your goddam thoughts please with questions like HOW TRUE IS THIS? WHAT ELSE MIGHT BE TRUE?

Byron Katie’s work in this area is brilliant.

#3 Prioritize community and serving.

Some of you need to get out of your lonely rooms, quit obsessing over what’s wrong with you, and go help someone else.

This is a daily double because we are built in the image of God who loves and gives. Additionally, our nervous systems are designed to calm down in the presence of other calm humans. It’s called co-regulation.

Do you have a friend who you feel calm with just because they’re calm?

They’ve learned to regulate their own nervous systems and they’re helping you regulate yours. Their eyes, their breathing, and their attunement are choices they make. You can make them too. Don’t rely on other people to regulate your nervous system for you, that’s your job, but it is much easier to do in a room of people doing work that God created them to do - loving and serving others.

In 2023 find a way to get outside yourself and serve others with others. See how good you feel. Those are breadcrumbs toward a life of impact, joy, and purpose.

One word of caution, if you are already giving to the point of burnout and resentment, it would be good to examine what you’re doing and why, so you can make some healthy adjustments. You can book a call with us to talk about that here.

#4 Quit Quitting

We quit too soon on marvelous things because we think they should be faster and easier.

Why?

Social media is part of it. “Oh look so and so started a business, made 7 figures in six months, working 3 hours a day in her yoga pants, what’s wrong with me? Why is my business so hard?”

I don’t know who is promoting that particular marketing meme, but those people are lying. Anything that is meaningful, profitable, and really helps people, etc. will cost you more than you currently have in your pockets.

You have to grow into it, by lifting the weight, every day, sometimes for years, even when you don’t want to. It takes time, consistency, and occasionally pain but the reward for the work is the person you get to become. So don’t give up just because it’s hard. It’s supposed to be hard, that’s how muscle grows.

For help believing your dreams are possible again, see Tip #1 and/or book a call with us.

#5 Say thank you.

Tony Robbins is fond of saying, it is impossible to be anxious and grateful at the same time. It is impossible to be angry and grateful at the same time. It is impossible to be fearful and grateful at the same time.

Anxiety, fear, and anger are emotions that are often generated by our thoughts (See tip #2). They’re not wrong, but they need to be managed. By deliberately choosing gratitude over worry, you are doing exactly what God commands in the scriptures. Don’t be afraid. I’m with you and I will uphold you.

It’s not that the world will suddenly chill; it won’t. We all walk through some valley of the shadow of death, but gratitude invites us to consider if we’re in an actual valley or an imagined one (again see tip #2.)

One belief that Firegirls relentlessly train is this: Everything works out for my good - even this.

When we CHOOSE to believe that, we begin looking for the learning, the gift, or the opportunity in everything, which makes whatever is happening, go better.

Gratitude is the grease.

So my prayers sometimes sound like this: Lord, I don’t know what this is, and it hurts but I trust that you’re upholding me with your righteous right hand and there is something for me to learn. I will find it, and I choose to be thankful in advance.

It’s not easy, it’s humble, which is the right posture for me to assume when it comes to God.

All this to say, you are capable of creating something extraordinary in 2023. Start with these five things and let me know how it goes.

xoe