Tips for The Overthinker
Dec 22, 2023
You know overthinking is just fear in disguise right? We think we're being prudent, but usually we’re just avoiding something that scares us.
We hide behind perfectionism (which is often a trauma response) and call it “excellence.”
Sound familiar?
If you learned early either by accident or design that perfection = love, then failure is out of the question. Because love and belonging are central to human survival and “failing” at anything is too scary.
To overcome perfectionism, we have to practice taking action, in a safe community, with full acceptance that it won’t be pretty and that’s ok.
As Joseph Campbell said, "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.”
Failure really is the wrong word.
If you try something new, and it doesn’t go how you think it should and is, therefore, a failure, a good question to ask is: How do I know how this was supposed to go? I’ve never done it before.
Another good question is: Where’s the gift in this? What did I learn?
If you answer those questions honestly and get up and try again, then none of it was a “failure.” It was curriculum.
The clients who make the most progress with me are so miserable with their midlife dip that they’re willing to do whatever it takes to get moving again - including trying stuff that scares them - because being bad at something seems a lesser evil than staying stuck.
The clients who struggle try to convince me their guts can’t be trusted and further consideration is the right approach. They think this will keep them safe.
It doesn’t. It keeps them bored, small, stuck, and underwhelmed, which is endemic in midlife anyway.
I’ve been there too.
In this video, which was shot on the deck at the 2019 Chamonix Firegirl Retreat, I told the women how I changed the story about WHY I was so stuck, using starting young horses as an example. No matter how good your groundwork is, eventually if you want to ride that horse, you’ve got to climb up there and see what happens.
It’s terrifying, yes, but do you want to ride him or not?
Nobody wants to get bucked off.
I don’t either, but after doing my own work for the last decade, I know the greater danger is never getting on the horse in the first place because you’ll miss all the places you could go.
Is that where you are right now? Tossed with waves of indecision? Paralyzed with fear?
Know this: You don’t have to make giant moves all at once. In fact, tiny steps daily are better for growing your habits and confidence. This is what we teach.
Plus, being courageous with your life builds your capacity for bigger and better things. Now doesn’t that sound better than polling everybody about what you should do next?
There are a couple of ways you can get this exact help from us.
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You can book a free breakthrough session. This might be step one in getting help with the fear, the perfectionism, the boredom, burnout whatever. You’re not crazy but you do need some help.
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You can join us at the upcoming Chamonix Firegirl Retreat where we talk about all of this LIVE, together in one of the most beautiful mountain towns on earth.
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You can ask yourself, right now: What decision have I been overthinking and what small move can I make on it right now?
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Make that move.
